my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
