I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
