he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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