I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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