And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
