I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
