How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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