you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
