i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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