I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
