please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
These tits shall not be calmed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
