I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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