Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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