your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
