He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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