why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
