so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He has the fingertips of a God
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