I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize