Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
