Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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