You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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