before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
