Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
