How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
