Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
