Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
