now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
