Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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