I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
