So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
