i don't like sucking hair
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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