You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
