I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
