Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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