He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize