I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
