You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
sarcasm needs its own font
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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