I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
