She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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