Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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