my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
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if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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