Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize