I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
