you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
