What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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