last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
