What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
