i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
