Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
