he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Do vagina's smell?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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