Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
even my farts smell like vagina
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
