Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house

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  (732): so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house http://tfl.nu/3ust
  Replies (18) Good night (698) Bad night (3971)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg

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  (509): I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg http://tfl.nu/tr8k
  Replies (6) Good night (2305) Bad night (870)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it

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  (865): I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it http://tfl.nu/0008
  Replies (12) Good night (1606) Bad night (571)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants

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  (417): Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants http://tfl.nu/tk01
  Replies (1) Good night (888) Bad night (486)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.

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  (+44): mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string. http://tfl.nu/2xqf
  Replies (15) Good night (554) Bad night (1831)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.

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  (757): Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch. http://tfl.nu/5xkl
  Replies (11) Good night (1127) Bad night (795)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.

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  (613): As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'. http://tfl.nu/ayxf
  Replies (14) Good night (658) Bad night (2904)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.

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  (312): 2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits. http://tfl.nu/57o4
  Replies (8) Good night (919) Bad night (425)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love

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  (847): I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love http://tfl.nu/ldev
  Replies (3) Good night (441) Bad night (709)
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  (760): View more from California

  I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk

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  (760): I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk http://tfl.nu/6zmb
  Replies (4) Good night (462) Bad night (988)
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  (408): View more from California

  I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit

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  (408): I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit http://tfl.nu/wxxo
  Replies (1) Good night (351) Bad night (568)
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  (805): View more from California

  My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday

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  (805): My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday http://tfl.nu/39ab
  Replies (2) Good night (817) Bad night (320)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  For the caroling or the orgy?

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  (856): Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata. (856): For the caroling or the orgy? http://tfl.nu/xsvg
  Replies (2) Good night (625) Bad night (292)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?

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  (816): so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet? http://tfl.nu/ne2f
  Replies (2) Good night (597) Bad night (301)
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  (323): View more from California

  VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.

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  (323): VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL. http://tfl.nu/sras
  Replies (1) Good night (267) Bad night (407)

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