somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.