the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.