Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine