Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...