she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
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so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
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She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?