i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
