oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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