I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
