I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
