These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
