taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
