You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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