Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize