She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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