I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
