May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
