just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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