I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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