Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
