God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
