The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
