Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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