Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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