Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize