I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
