you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
