I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
