WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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