Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He felt like a one man threesome
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
