My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
