I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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